This past Saturday, we laid our loving mother to rest. She died at the age of 64 years young. I’ve never in my entire life, have felt such an empty hole, where my heart once resided. Words alone cannot began to explain my sorrow. Emotions does not reflect my inner pain.
I just left her bed side, the pervious Sunday. I kissed her and told her I would see her later. I had to return home and check on my two teenage daughters. In addition, I had to check in on my business. I felt reassured when I left, her labs came back with good reports. She was sitting up in bed talking and finally eating.
Only three days later, her seven children were summoned back to the hospital. “What is happening”? “How was this happening to us”? In desperation, my husband and I drove the daughting nine hour drive to our home state. While on the way, I received a call from my sister, “I don’t think you will make it in time to say goodbye”. Those words she spoke, filled me with rage and fear to my core. For the entire trip, I cried, I prayed to God, and called to my mother. “PLEASE don’t leave me, before I can say goodbye.” Dear God, ” give her strength to hold on.” I knew if she left this world before my arrival, I could not bare it.
When I arrived to the hospital, I was greeted by two of my sisters. One of which, escorted me to my mom’s room in critical care. She was moved to the critical unit earlier that day. We received reports of continuous vomiting and lack of consciousness.
When I turned the corner, and saw those tubes coming out of my mom’s mouth, My heart felled to my knee. “Ma’,” I cried. I laid my head upon her chest. “Please – Please – PLEASE don’t leave me”. “What can I do?” “Who will I talk to?” “I need you.”
This is my soldier lying here in this bed fighting for each breath. This is my mom who sacrificed her entire life for me , so I may have. This is my mom who despite her tiredness committed to giving me quality time. This is the woman, who loved me for me.
She cared without judgement and lived a life of unwavering truth. “What can I do to stop this from happening?” I cried, I pleaded to God. I begged her to stay with me.
In the end , her little body fought its last fight. I must now figure out my life without my constant. I must ensure her life of service and helping others in need lives on. Her legacy lives on in me.
RIP – Sarah Smith (Ma’)
Job Well Done, I Love You With Every Ounce of My Being.